its back

Had to abandon the muscle relaxants. They were making me have complete blackouts.
I went to a headache clinic and she formally diagnosed me with chronic migraine. She ordered a new mri scan since I haven't had one in years and a couple pages of blood work. I just finished all that bullshit a couple days ago and should be getting the results sometime this week. Some part of me is wishing that they find something because then it's something tangible and I can get set on fixing it rather than fucking around trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with my head.

I'm on topomax now which is a specific migraine medication. She also upped my imitrex (abortive migraine meds) because she said the dose I was on before was a pediatric dose and gave me a couple samples of different abortive migraine meds. So far the abortive migraine meds have worked well but I am useless after I take them because they make me so drowsy. I've been on the topomax for a little over a week now and I've gone up to 50mg. I have the start of a migraine today but I have shit to do so no abortive meds. Doc said not to go above 75mg of the topomax because then it will start to affect my birth control. I'm hoping a week on the 50mg will help and do something.

I've kind of lost motivation to continue exercising. I lost my job, no one seems to be having any faith or hope in me or my future, and everyone else in my life seems to be falling apart medically as well (strokes, heart attacks, cancers, brain aneurysms, serious surguries, etc etc). There's a lot of falling apart going on other than medically as well.

Oh depression. I did not miss you.